Billy Got Lonely
by Clumsy Girls Have All The Luck
Summary: Okay you ever wonder why Billy never talks about Jacob's mom? Well I have a theory. Please R&R it's REALLY FUNNY! probaly just a two shot! Chapter 6 up! And a note about Emmett and the Time Machine coming soon.
1. What REALLY Happened

**_Okay heads up, this story is majorly sick. But hey this did come from the dweldings of a thirdteen year old girl's mind! Anway her you go._**

**_Disclimber: I don't own anything! sad sniffle_**

* * *

Jacob pov 

I boardly twindled my callus thick thumbs. Billy had told me to meet him ages ago!

Finally the sweek of wet tires came screathing on the kitchen floor. Jacob," Billy's voice was solom, the kind of voice he uses only when he has bad news. " I need to talk to you about some stuff that I should have told you along time ago."

Oooh dramatic. "What?" I tried not to snicker.

"It's about you're mother." My mother had died before I had time to know anything about her. Billy never brought her up. "You see I was really busy and well It was getting a bit late for me to settle down and have children. I was so lonely, and I was on a hunting trip..."

"So my mother hunted?" I smiled trying to imagine it.

"No you see she was the hunt." Billy messed with the metal on his wheel chair not meeting my eyes.

"Oh you mean it was like a hunt for like... her heart?" I said confusedly.

"Yes. I suppose you could say that. Anyway we had you-"

"Wait what about my sisters?" I interupted.

"They're your half sisters Jake."

"YES! mean... how sad."

Billy ignored me. "So it was a mircle that you turned out complete normal. But then we were walking home-"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! You walked home from the hospital?!"

"No we had you in the woods. May I continue?"

"Yeah fine." I murmured.

"Right so we were crossing the street, you in my arms. Then disaster struck and she got hit!"

"So my mom died in a car accident?!"

"Yes road kill. There was fur and blood everywhere." Billy looked at the brink of tears.

"FUR?" I exclaimed.

"Your mother was pretty hairy. So I took her to the vet-"

"My mom was a vet?" Well that was cool, maybe she wouldn't have minded having a son who's part dog.

"No, honey she was the patient."

"Vet's do work on people?!" Ummm okay that's pretty gross.

**_"Don't you get it!" _**He exclaimed.

"Get what?"

Your mother was a wolf!"

I sat frozen in shock before I screamed. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I ran out the door before he could do anything hopping in my hair I drove off full speed.

* * *

**_Okay I suppose this will have a second chapter... did you like it?! Sorry it was short... Please review!_**


	2. note

**_hello readers. sorry there's no update yet but they're will be. Anyway Billy Got Lonely is mostly Monica's idea._**

**_I'm here hostage here HELPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

**_Nightmare366 out_**


	3. Imprint

**_Okay this really is the chapter, cuz I can't go though life with a confused Nightlight6 at had. HA the day when the blonde confuses the burnette! Yay! Go blondes! Go blondes! Go blondes! Okay okay I'll shut up now... STORY TIME! Man NEVER let my brother give me monster again owwieeeeee headache!_**

**_Don't own anything sad sniffle you people are so cruel. _**

**_Oh the whole thing with the cat was Monica's idea, but the rest is mine. And this is for my cat Edward (he was born on Edward's birthday) except he's like a he and I would never be so cruel as to name him Mrs. Fluffykin plus Eddie's all black still other than that this is for 'im and his pudgy pudgyness._**

**_

* * *

_**

Bella pov

"Why Mr. Fluffykins Bella why?!" Edward had gotten me a little black and ginger kitten and could get over the name... or the little kitty sweater.

I held him up on his hindlegs. "It's _Mrs._ Fluffykins."

"She's _married?_" He exclaimed.

"Well that gray tabby down the streets been eyeing her..."

"Bella we are not playing match maker with _cats!_" Edward banged his head against the flannel couch's armrest.

Before Bella could object there was a scretching of tires followed by the sounds of a demented teenage boy. "What now?" Edward groaned getting up to open the door, but before he could it flew of the hinges hitting Edward roughly in the head. _"You're bloody lucky vampires' don't feel anything you mutt!"_

Jacob ignored him running over to Bella and hollering. "_Bella! Billy's a mad pervert! _"

"What?" Her eyebrows puckered, _Mrs._Fluffykins snuggled her sweater.

"Ih-"Jacob didn't finish he looked down at Mrs. Fluffykins his eyes grew wide in the kind of way that looked as if his eyes had glided to an angels'.

Jacob pov

Sam had explained imprinting. He it was like when you looked at them all else faded to nothing and they're the were and everything suddenly made scene. And well as he looked at Mrs. Fluffykin he felt just that.

"Jacob? Jacob? Helluuuu?" Bella waved her hand in front of his face.

"He's finally lost it..." Edward's voice dropped, then quickly rose. "Well it was only a matter of time. Do you want to dispose of him? Or should I?" Bella glared at him.

"Y-Y-you're cat. Mrs.Fluffykin... sh-she's beautiful." I sais not letting her out of my gaze.

"Ummmm... right." Edward stumbled. But aren't you half dog? Don't you hate cats.

I ignored him. "She must be mine." I whipped her up into my arms and sped up to the nearest bed.

Edward pov

"Is he going to..." My face swelled with discust.

"I'm not waiting to find out." Bella whipped out her cell phone quickly dialing a number. "Sam?"

"What Bella?" He didn't seem happy to hear from her.

"I- I think Jacob just imprinted on Mrs. Fluufykins!" She squealed.

Snickering from other warewolves. "Ummmm... whose Mrs. Fluffykins?"

"M-My cat, he just went up stairs with her."

"A CAT!"

"Yeah. " She squeaked.

"We're on our way." He said quickly. "This better not be a joke."

* * *

**_okay I have to go, party wohoo. (insert board tone) Anyway I was gonna spell check but people are yelling at me and I'm not even dressed. So sorry for the errors. thanks for reading this is more popular then I thought it would be. And I'll get back to Jacob's mom later it all ties in at the end._**


	4. Poor Mrs Fluffykins

**_Yo, sorry for my absence. I was in Scotland on vacation (aka babysiitng 3 young toddlers while the hang on my hair and people whisper about the poor teen mother grrrrrrrrrrr. I do SO not look like I've had kids! I'm a cheerleader jeez) Anyway thank you guys so much for reading this I didn't expect anyone too, and yeah this is a very sick story I know. Did I mention I put a desktop backround on my profile? It's of Fang (Maximum Ride character) you can download it to your computer so like enjoy._**

**_No own nut'in sorry get over kay?_**

**_

* * *

_**

**_Edward pov_**

"There!" I had just managed to get the door back in place. Bella walked downstairs.

"he giving her a massage, we have ten minutes at most." She grumbled.

"Huh, well I'll get you a new cat. But seriously look at the door it's even better then before!" Before Bella could add another glum unhelpful comment half a dozen shirtless warewolves burst through the door breaking in in half. I shrunk to my knees and cried in despare. "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!!!" I cried.

Bella igored me. "Why the cage?" She asked Sam.

His face grew gravely serious. "To hold the broken soul of a teen werewolf." He held his fist in the air for dramatic effect.

**_Bella pov_**

"Riiiiiiight." I rolled on the balls of my feet. "Anyway can you please just save my cat?"

"Some people just don't the art of being dramatic." Sam grumbled and sighed. "Yeah fine. Everyone come help."

"Actually," said one of the warewolves. "I think I'll stay here and protect Bella." He winked and growled playfully. I rolled my eyes expecting Edward to come up and be over protective, but he was much to busy mourning his door.

"No." Sam said coughing to hide a laugh, and dragged him up the stairs by one ear while he screthed "Bella I will return for you!!!!"

Sighing I shlumped down on the couch and turned on_ SpongeBob Square Pants_. Quickly turning the volume very high everytime she heard Jacob started to scream or Mrs. Fluffykins cried out.

Edward sighed gravely and ploped down besider her sighing dramatically. "How's you're door?" I murmured knowing it was the only thing Edward would want to talk about.

"Terrible, I ended up having to seal it with scotch tape." He sniffled. "Hey! Is this _Sponge Bob_?!?!?!?"

I stared confusedly at him, "Well uh... Emmett_ is_ my brother." He said innocently**__**

**_ Later_**

**__**

Sam and a few other warewolves lugged down Jacob in the dog carrier crate, as he sobbed for Mrs. Fluffykins, who was sitting at the top of the stairs looking confused.

Sam's cell phone buzzed, he let go of the crate it feel on the foot of the warewolf who had flirted with Bella earilier. "WHY!!?!?!?!" He screached.

Sam ignore him. "Uh, uh really uh yeah... yeah I'll tell them."He snapped his cell phone shut. "Jacob."

He glared up at him from the cramped crate. "What _Sam_." He narrowed his dark eyes.

"It's you're mom... sh- she's still alive."

* * *

**_Ooooh sorry for the cliffy. Anyway I should update soon. Hope you liked it and ya know the spelling sux. Now review!_**


	5. Double the Edwards Double the Fun!

**_Hello! Yeah I know I've been gone ages... but I have an excuse Monica kidnapped me and dressed me in saddening emo clothes and making me crying big fat juicy tear of unstable emotions NO!!!!! I want my fliry girly clothes back! sobs and rocks in fetal position _**

**_Why can't you just accept I don't own it sobs harder_**

**_Oh and I almost forgot there's a reason Edward's acting so strangely. (ahem MUHAHAHAHA!!) And laastly I'm trying out for Cinderella in my drama class, please send you're prayers for me I want this SO bad!!!!!

* * *

_****_Sam pov _**

"WHAAAAAAAT???!!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Well, you see my minion," I stated wisely. "You're mother _was_ hit hit by a car but the vet was worried of Billy's intention and they but her in the pound."

"_They're are wolves in the pound?!?!?!"_ Bella scretched.

"In the ghetto they do." A warewolves eyes lit up.

_"In the ghetto."_ Edward sang, we all turned to glare at him.

"Riiiiiiiight," I sighed. "anyway we're gonna go get her now... _bye."_ At that they all sped out the door.

**_...later _**

**_Edward pov_**

**_"_**Oh little kitty you're so cute, oh little kitty, kitty, KITTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... yeah." Bella sung, while Edward plugged his ears. But quickly gave her a thumbs up when she looked at him.

Suddenly the door burst open and _Edward_ (yes edward) burst through. "BELLA!!" The new Edward screched.

"Um... why are they're _two_ of you?!" Bella exclaimed in confusion.

The new Edward grabbed the other Edward face, his face seemed to screch forward. The new Edward ripped of the whole body mask, revealing a nervous looking Emmett.

"Um.. er... I can explain." Emmett stammered.

"Then do." the REAL Edward crossed him arms over his taut chest.

"Well Rose was riding me for not picking up my dirty socks I mean come on! I'm _way_ to good to pick up socks!" Bella glared at him. "Um so anyhoo I kinda made an Edward shape body mold, and left him in a room with Alice."

"It was horrible." He moaned

"It's okay, Edward, I'm here." Bella said rubbing his back."

"Um, well then you know Bella called and you know the rest." He smiled proudly, satisfied with his story.

Bella openned her mouth to say something but before she could Rosalie burst through the door and screamed, "EMMETT YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett blotted Rosalie trailing close behind.

"Well it seems everything turned out fine, er well for us anyway." Edward said wincing at one of Emmett desperate crys.

"Right but um... where's Mrs. Fluffykins?" Bella whispered biting her lip.

* * *

**_Okay so there's gonna be an epilouge but this was the last real chappie. Sorry! I'm gonna miss writing this but I want to start Emmett and the Time Michine! Which I think will be better then this. Anyway I'll try to update soon now review!!!!!! Plezzzzzz!!!!!!_**

****

**_Nightmare366 out_**


	6. Oprah

**_Sorry. It's been I while I know. I've put all my energy into getting my not single crush to notice me. That and getting the part of Cinderella in my school drama, which prooves harder then I would have though, apparently my meekness in that class is a turn off. So confuzzling ahem, sorry here's the final chapter. Oh and by the way I'm letting my friend Mrs.EmmettMcCartyCullen write Emmett and the Time Machine. Plez read it anyway! She a really good writer, she's not a much better speller then I am but that's a giving. So here's the final chap._**

**_Disclimber: I don't own Oprah she owns the world and edward, billy, bella, and jacob speak for themselves._**

* * *

Edward POV: 

"So Edward, why did you decide to make a kitty match-making company?"

"Well Oprah, I thought it was a terrible idea. It was all Bella's idea. Isn't that right Bella?" I said smugly. Bella glared at me, elbowing me in the ribs. _Very_ randomly, Emmett runs by screaming and Rosalie runs by, screaming with a pitchfork. Everyone looks confuzzled and I stated, "Ignore that."

"Bella, how did you come up with it?" Oprah asked.

"Well, I noticed the neighbors cat, Mr. Fluffball, was allways staring at Mrs. Fluffykins. I felt bad that I couldn't match them up. So, while Eddie here played dress up with his sisters," Gasps go around the audience. I was started sobbing. How did they find out?!? "I was struck with the genius of a kitty-match making service. My own company!" Bella started laughing diabolically.

"Um... well Bella is it true you ask your customers to pay you in grilled cheese?" Oprah looked confuzzled at the small pink index card she was holding.

"Why yes Oprah this is true." Bella said smiling pompusly like a five year old. I lay my head in my hands.

"Right... well... thank you Bella this is all the time we have. Join us next time on Oprah!!!!" Pans to Mr. and Mrs. Fluffball, They're are 'awwwwww's around the audience.

* * *

**_Moves to a dark alleyway where there are numerous police cars drug dealers tweakers and orphans! Alice is sitting on a card board box wearing a purple tweed dress and grinning hugely and unblinking at Jacob Black. While Jasper holds a camcorder that is taped to his hand, he is obviously the camera man against his will._**

**_No one pov_**

Alice clears her throat loudly. "Oh right." Jasper grumbled and then starts to sing.

_It's Alice._

_Alice!_

_The prettiest,_

_most perfectist, _

_most wonderful talk show host you'll ever see, because it's_

_ALICE!_

_ALICE!_

_and she's the greatest talk show host you'll ever see!!_

_Yes it Alice!_

_Dodododododododododo YEAH!!!_

"Ahem thank you Jasper!" Alice says still not blinking. "And it's wonderful you deciced to join me here today Jacob!!" Alice grins even wider her eye twiching.

"Uh, actually you kidnapped m-" Jacob said nervously trying to bust out of the rusty old electric chair she's strapped him too.

"That's not important! So what was it like realizing you're mother was in the pound all these years!?"

"Um... f-fine I guess."

"Well um... she attacked and ate Sam so they had to put her down."

"You don't look very upset." Alice grinned so far tha it was amazing she hadn't broken something.

"Well I'm afraid I'll set off this electric chair." Jacob swallowed hard.

"Oh please this thing is perfectly sturdy!" Alice exclaims kicking it, and setting it off.

Jacob screams foaming from the mouth. "Oops. Um... well join us next time with Emmett Cullen!!!! If, he ever wakes up from that coma."

Jasper runs quick to the hospital and zooms in on Emmett sitting unmoving on the hospital bed, while Rosalie laughs miniacally.

_It's Alice._

_Alice!_

_The prettiest,_

_most perfectist, _

_most wonderful talk show host you'll ever see, because it's_

_ALICE!_

_ALICE!_

_and she's the greatest talk show host you'll ever see!!_

_Yes it Alice!_

_Dodododododododododo YEAH!!!_

fin

* * *

**_Well this is the end! sob look for Emmett and the Time Machine by Mrs.EmmettMcCartyCullen! You'll love it I promise! I should be up soon. Imaginary cookies to all who review if you don't I'll be watching. YAY! (Jk)_**


	7. Important Note

**_Hello._**

**_It turns out that I will be writing Emmett and the Time Machine._**

**_So YAY!!!!!_**

**_It will be up this weekend probaly, after I find out who I'm casted for in my drama class' production of ciderella._**

**_Sorry I need to spend time rehersing till then._**

**_Emmett and the Time Machine will be my best story! I hope anyway! All my other fellow PMSer (that my school anititals) like it um... so I hope you'll like it._**

**_Oh and some people have asking what happened to Mrs. Fluffykins, she married Mr. Fluffball. Sorry if that wasn't explained very well._**

**_Goodbye_**

**_Nightmare366 out_**


End file.
